Year A

Matthew 18:15-20

The Very Rev. Denise Vaughn

The Love We Owe Our Neighbor

Confrontation is really a very difficult thing. Few of us do it well. Either we suppress our feelings until we explode or we constantly give someone a hard time. Sometimes everyone but the person concerned knows there is a problem. Not many of us can open a tender subject, discuss it reasonably, and then leave it alone. Part of the problem with confronting another seems to be our fear. We become afraid of anger, rejection, or another blow from the other person. There are times when we even cannot find enough hope to believe the wrong can be resolved.

Today’s readings all demand from us an expectation that when it is most difficult we are to have a hope that expects goodness will come out of the wrong. Ezekiel shows us a God who is willing to wait until the last minute, who is willing to value the present moment of righteousness more than any and all previous moments of wrongdoing. He shows us a God who demands perseverance from a prophet, who demands that prophet never give up and never cease to warn a stubborn and rebellious people. Ezekiel shows us a God of hope. It is the hope of God which makes possible the forgiveness of God.

The gospel today makes that same demand of us. When we suffer a wrong doing, first we must seek reconciliation without proclaiming to the world our own righteousness and the wickedness of the other. We must expect goodness from the other. The ultimate goal is reconciliation. These words of Jesus that offer guidance concerning conflict resolution and forgiveness, look wonderful on paper. Yet, these are some of the most difficult words of challenge that face us anywhere in scripture. His words to us are necessary because we are social creatures who cannot live in this world without others. Yet, because of the sin that troubles our human condition, we do not live well all the time with those around us.

The German philosopher, Schopenhauer, compared us to porcupines trying to nest together on a cold winter’s night. We crouch toward one another because we need the heat of the other bodies to survive. Yet, the closer we huddle, the more we prick each other with our porcupine quills. And, as this text indicates, it is most often those who are closet to us who feel the pain of our presence and we, theirs. So today Matthew offers us an outline for a way of addressing our troubled relationships with one another. This passage seems to reflect the developing early church and the need for an appropriate process when your neighbor sins against you. It would be wrong to destroy a person’s reputation without due process.

The template for action is: don’t sulk, don’t gossip, don’t avenge, don’t avoid. Instead, go talk to your neighbor-that just might work. And, it might not. In which case try again. If that doesn’t work take a couple of people with you, and try again to communicate with your neighbor. If that doesn’t work then bring the entire local church community in, and if this does not achieve a resolution, then the offender should be treated like an outsider. This is not an easy template to follow and it is my experience that by the time we decide to treat someone as an outsider, there is no reconciliation happening anyway and there will be a natural parting of the ways. But, whatever template you follow for conflict resolution, it should be our Christian love and desire for forgiveness that will cause us to try again to reconcile at some point.

The passage that immediately follows in Matthew’s gospel is Peter asking Jesus, “How many times must I forgive?” and Jesus answers, “Seventy times seven.” The overcoming of divisions is what distinguishes us as followers of Jesus from the world. The ultimate goal is to regain the person. As a result, the ministry of reconciliation must be at the heart of any Christian community’s mission. The church has not been given the power to “bind” and to “loose” because it is always right, but because its primary language is one of confession, restoration and forgiveness when offenses and divisions occur. 

Thomas Merton, an American monk, writer, poet, mystic when writing about the religious community with which he spent many years, noted that every prospective participant was initially brought in and made to stand in the center of a circle, formed by current members. There he was asked by the abbot, “What do you come seeking?” The answers varied, of course.  Some said, “I come seeking a deeper relationship with God.” Others were more pragmatic: “I desire to become more disciplined in my practices of life.” And there were always a few who were simply running away: “I hope to find solace from the world and refuge from the problems that have plagued me.” But Merton said that there was really only one answer which all needed to voice before they could take up residence. “I need mercy!” was the true cry of the heart, “I need mercy!”

Merton said that any other answer betrayed our pride of self. We wanted, we planned, we were running away from, we desired….but the person who knew his need of mercy had stepped out of the circle of self-interest long enough to begin to see the fragile interdependence of all who were taken into the larger fellowship of faith. The community which he says we cannot create, for it does not revolve around us. We can only enter community or receive it as a gift. Hence, we need mercy in order to walk through its doors. Mercy gives us hope, to have the greatness of heart to hope even in the one who wrongs us because we are not intended to be isolated individuals, but to live in a community witnessing to the values of love and forgiveness.

That is Paul’s message today to us. The ultimate debt we owe one another is love. Love supports our patience and creates true peace. It is love that never gives up on the other, love that expects goodness even from an enemy. Paul is simply presenting a picture of some of the basics of a Christian life. The basic idea, as Paul expresses it is “Love everyone, and your actions will fulfill the law, the commandments. The Greek word love is translated as agape, which means a holy love, the sort of love God showed to us in the face of all odds by sending Jesus, and Jesus showed by giving his life for us so that we might be reconciled to God, the sort of love that does no wrong to a neighbor and always hopes for goodness and seeks forgiveness.

Paul says the only way we can do this is to “Put on the Lord Jesus Christ.” We are to let our actions and our lives be guided by the example of the self-sacrificing love of God; to follow the example of Jesus in our relations with all our neighbors; and to spread the good news of God’s love in all the ways we act for our neighbors. For God, Ezekiel proclaims, does not delight in the death of the wicked but rather that the wicked turn from their way and live. This means that there will be conflict, but it is precisely through conflict that we model for the world how to bind and loose one another appropriately. We all need mercy and this is the love we owe one another.